This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
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