it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
50% drunk capacity currently
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize