if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
