Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
So vagazzling was a success
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
