I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
