In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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