as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
