if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
