1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
