Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
