guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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