So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize