Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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