i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
