idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
