Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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