quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize