so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
