I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
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