my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
thus making me awesome and them whores
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
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