so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
