while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I'm too high and old for this...
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