Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
