quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Randomize
