Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
