That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
