okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
