Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize