We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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