Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
