Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
