I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
