We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
