We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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