i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize