So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
