It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
