just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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