I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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