She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Randomize
