i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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