I wish I could punch you in the face.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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