I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
