Do you still have your period?
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
