What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
