Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize