How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Randomize
