I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
