The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
he fucked my hip out of place.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Randomize
