So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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