i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
