I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
