Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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