it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
