o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
