i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Randomize
