$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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