It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
