doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
