thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
