I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
