Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
