No period for spring break; use this wisely.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
