dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
