Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
