It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
