everyone is single if you try hard enough
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
