cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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