my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Randomize
