So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
