I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
