so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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