Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
