now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Randomize
