i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
