So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
