walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
