yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Welp...herpes.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
