SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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