Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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