she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Drunk is not a location!
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
