Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
