When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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