I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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