Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I have already put on my inside pants.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
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